What to do When Beauty is Fading
Let's not look on the bright side of things. You don't want to hear that now do you? This is about beauty that is fading. This is about marriages that might not be working out. This is not a movie. This is about jobs that are unfulfilling. This is not a song. This is about money that won't grow, systems that fail and plans that fall through. This is about damn near giving up, or being on the brink of breaking. I'm not looking at what's beautiful here. So let's not look on the bright side of things, OK?
It is not necessary to get into detail that the Beautiful idea, picture, plan and life that once was is not current. At some point you were convinced that things were or would be fine, get better or could be worked out. You were optimistic. You were the one telling others, "look on the bright side." But now your eyes are here, aren't they?
You've run out of good ideas. No one else is saying anything you want or feel you need to hear. The media, music, quotes and memes aren't working. The Insta feed isn't an actual depiction of your life. And you don't even know why you're still reading this stupid article. Like, "what could Valet teach me, that I don't already know?"
L.(ha)O.(ha)L.(ha) keep reading then.
I think that sometimes things fade, get dull and they get dark. Some place in the mind begins to turn off the "beauty sensors" and we become forgetful.
We forget things we woulda, coulda, shoulda said, did, or didn't do...and some more. But the main idea is that we forget.
We forget to be present. We sometimes act based on our own ideas about the truth and live according to the story in our minds rather than the moment in our faces. We stop believing. We stop trusting. We stop smiling. We stop trying. We stop talking. We stop hoping. We stop choosing to do "our part."
We forget that great person we said we were going to be; that strong, resilient, hard working, down for life type person, partner, worker, parent, lover, teacher and friend.
When we start forgetting what beauty looks like and when beauty starts to fade, we also forget that we can do ANYTHING. We forget that we can change and/or make better decisions, that our capacity to love and do and be is not hinged on someone else's ability to see or acknowledge it. We forget that we can keep our own promises and not quit on ourselves or others. Beauty hasn't faded. The lens is dirty, the fog is low, the view is wide and the seasons are changing. But the beauty is never really gone. Hidden maybe, but not gone. We would benefit to remember.
Sometimes we forget how powerful ideas are. We forget the power of words. We forget the power of action.
Like we must have forgot we work for someone else. A job is not for us to make money as much as it is you getting paid to make the "owner" or "organization" money or to aid in its success. Don't get it twisted. You can work for someone else, or yourself. But a job? A job isn't about you. The beauty hasn't faded. Your understanding of your role has.
Like forgetting that working for self means being fully responsible for the work effort and the process. That the response is in fact as it should be. "Whatever it takes" becomes a fence you straddle before you leap. There are no days off and off days cost. The beauty hasn't faded; It's in the process.
Like forgetting what having and being a friend is. The beauty hasn't faded, your presence probably has.
Like we forget that we actually get married to each other and not the idea of what we thought marriage was. We forget that part about the "worst". Oh the wedding day was beautiful, full of promise and hope. You pledged your life til death. You agreed that NOTHING would separate you or your love. And that if something tried, together you'd get through it. But now it "seems" that worst has come, and you forgot what you said. You think you're still dating and that a breakup is better. If you think there's no repair, you let the circumstance make a liar out of you. I'm not trying to be nice. I want the real from you. Don't be a quitter, and don't let someone else's bad idea become your bad idea. The beauty of marriage hasn't faded. You forgot what life you signed up for. We act like those who have long marriages haven't gone through more. They make it 20, 30, 50+ YEARS, of course they have. But they didn't forget their promises.
I just hope you guys don't either.
I may not have words or examples enough to cover your specific situation as a spouse, parent, worker, student, friend or relative. But I know that I want to be known for actually being a great person, not just trying to be. Living to be Known! But how? for what? in what way? and who's controlling that? I AM. At least for me. Are you really able to give up?
People ask me, "how are you so happy all the time? smiling? and looking on the bright side of things?" My answer is usually, "smiles are better than frowns" or "why not" or "beauty if found, where it is sought"
Those are my answers and I'm sticking to em.
*Please know I'm not referencing extreme cases. But I do believe that most of our outlooks in life are what we choose to believe of them. We have false beliefs and bad ideas about ourselves and others that we constantly battle, face, and are aware of. Just don't forget that you really have power over them. And when you choose to say it has power over you, what you're really doing is showing your true colors and fighting against your own ideas. Don't be that person.